Internal Discussion

When I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror, I saw different emotions flicker across my face but the one that stood out the most was unhappiness. I wasn't happy and haven't been for a while. Don't know why. I just know that I find myself that way at the end of the day. Nothing is really happening to make me unhappy. But then that's probably it. Nothing is happening. Time is moving forward, days are passing and nothing but a routine of wake up, shower, go to school, get upset with faculty or administration, do work, come home, study and sleep. That is what my life entails now. That is all. There is no life in that. No soul. Just routine work. I have plans, ambitions, so why am I not doing anything different? Why am I so bland? Why am I not changing anything? And then from within, the answer came. Soft, damn near silent. And If I had kept on yelling in my head I probably wouldn't have heard it. "Because YOU have decided to let it be that way."

Stuck in silence as I sat on the toilet (Most of life's biggest questions are answered in the bathroom), the voice became louder. "YOU don't want anything to change. YOU wake up everyday and choose not to make anything happen. It is YOU. YOU can't be angry with anyone because YOU have allowed your life to be like a ball that doesn't bounce. YOU have chosen not to be happy"

I couldn't argue because I knew it was true. I already knew the answer but I needed it said by someone other than myself, my internal self doesn't count. I know, I have issues.

In the end I came up with the conclusion that I have to choose to be happy. I probably won't choose this everyday and maybe neither will you, but it all boils down to what YOU choose. People will piss you off, the exam will always have that one question (or ten) that you don't  know the answer to and you'll probably guess (in my case, guess wrong), the weather may be shitty tomorrow the next day and for the rest of the week, and so on and so forth. But with all these circumstances, what will you choose to be?

Sha if someone insulted your mother, called your child ugly or something of that sorts, its knee-jerk reaction to fight with venom in your blood. In those type of cases, there's no choice. But you get the point right?